My Higher Power is John Stamos
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
