Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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