You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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