Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I love having hate sex.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize