oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
