I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
