another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize