the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
