I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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