It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
