i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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