DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
