Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
