I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
