Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
