Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
