D3 body, D1 cock
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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