We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
