I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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