You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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