You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
