I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
ttyl tear gas
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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