there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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