my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
