Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
