Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
