I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
