If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
