I can tuck mytits in my pants
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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