I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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