my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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