Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize