Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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