I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
