i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
