at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
