Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize