WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
