well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
