I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
