We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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