Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
