dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize