I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My vagina is officially offended.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
