Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
