I want to walk on stilts...naked
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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