tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
