Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
