Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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