it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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