Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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