one two three fourrrrnication!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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