So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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