Little spoons don't ask big questions
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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