This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
