I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
no you cant smoke seaweed
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
