i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
