I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
