I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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