Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
