He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
