so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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