so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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