So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
