He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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