9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
tell me about the fingering
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
