Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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