My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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