Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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