If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I need to align my fucking chakras
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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