i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
