Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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