Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
