Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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