nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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