Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
