At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
is wine microwaveable?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Randomize
