Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
