Just cropdusted the office
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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