Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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