if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
