We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
