Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
do herpes really smell.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
