we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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