I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
