living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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